Nativity - Chav Stylee!
Date: December 09, 2006 08:53PM
Found this on another forum just now. Loved it - so had to share!
There's this bird called Mary, yeah? She's a virgin (wossat
then?). She's not married or nuffink, but she's got this
boyfriend, Joe, innit? He does joinery an' that. Mary lives with
him in a crib down Nazaref.
One day Mary meets this bloke Gabriel. She's like `Ooo ya lookin
at?' Gabriel just goes 'You got one up the duff, you have.' Mary's
totally gobsmacked. She gives it to him large 'Stop dissin' me
yeah? I ain't no Kappa-slapper. I never bin wiv no one!'
So Mary goes and sees her cousin Liz, who's six months gone
herself. Liz is largin' it. She's filled with spirits, Barcardi
Breezers an' that. She's like 'Orright, Mary, I can feel me bay-
bee in me tummy and I reckon I'm well blessed. Think of all the
extra benefits an' that we are gonna get.' Mary goes 'Yeah, s'pose
Mary an' Joe ain't got no money so they have to ponce a donkey,
an' go dahn Bethlehem on that. They get to this pub an' Mary wants
to stop, yeah? To have her bay-bee an' that.
But there ain't no room at the inn, innit? So Mary an' Joe break
an' enter into this garridge, only it's filled wiv animals. Cahs
an' sheep an' that.
Then these three geezers turn up, looking proper bling, wiv crowns
on their heads. They're like `Respect, bay-bee Jesus', an' say
they're wise men from the East End.
Joe goes: 'If you're so wise, wotchoo doin' wiv this Frankenstein
an' myrrh? Why dincha just bring gold, Adidas and Burberry?' It's
all about to kick off when Gabriel turns up again an' sez he's got
another message from this Lord geezer.
He's like 'The police is comin an' they're killin all the bay-
bees.You better nash off to Egypt .' Joe goes 'You must be monged
if you think I'm goin' dahn Egypt on a minging donkey'. Gabriel
sez 'Suit yerself, pal. But it's your look out if you stay.' So
they go dahn Egypt till they've stopped killin the first-born an'
it's safe an' that.
Then Joe and Mary and Jesus go back to Nazaref, an' Jesus turns
water into Stella.