Forum about Lanzarote

think i need to seek advice, er i do not understand whats happening here!

Post mistress. Do you realise its a criminal offence to open my mail? There's no privacy here!

... for the record - the reading materials as you describe them are purely for research. Obviously if I'm going to sort out the souls of those poor young ladies at Will and Karen's place I need to understand what exactly it is they get up to in there....

Vicar

Please note I have NOT opened your mail, it is more than my job is worth. It was the village gossip who suggested it ....not me.

May I also add that I was assuming as to the content of the packages but, after your last comment, my suspicions have just been founded!!

GOTCHA!!

...I was very open - purely research! One I've finished researching they will be for sale at next weeks village fete.

I have decided to employ young men as well as young women at mine and Will's 'nightclub'...no point in discriminating!

will someone please summarise i get half way through then have to start again!

Oh god, Coaty... where do we start? Well... on the first message, you'll get a rundown of who's who in the "village". That will give you an idea of the roles. Then just dip in - it is well worth a full read though!

Karen... perhaps you can find a couple of all-rounders! That way you can have half the staff, with full flexibility, and keep your costs down!

What are you suggesting Elle, the poor girls won't know which way to turn!

Sorry I've been quiet today, been fixing the windows at Elles house, what a pain.

You should be able to see better what's going on now Elle. And if you think there's something dodgy sneakings in and out at Will and KFL's club let me know, I've got some spare 2 by 4, I could go round and bang up their rear entrance.

surely you mean pane!

Sorry i haven't been around much,
Madstock has got an alibi wot needs checking out. He reckons he was with me when it all happened, not that i can remember what he supposed to have done mind.. but a alibi is a alibi
I was told by Sgt Parachute, to get my finger out. He's the one who always keeps saying "dont let me down on this one lads"
Anyways I had a chat with KarenLeeds afore, me telling her that it was time to get her club sorted what with all the whatsits apparently occurring, all the ins and outs and all. She's a saucy thing,she came up really close to me and got all blousy, which was nice. I cannot go into detail but i have to admit i nearly came to a conclusion or two. Whilst nearly establishing me authority in the middle of a particularly well you never mind what... bye the way. She whispered "Officer there really is no rush in you getting your finger out right now is there?"
When i regained seconscousness i legged it out and with i have to confess some difficulty in the tripod region scampered off on my bike. Most people didnt notice...
Just off to the Pub, think i'll slip round the back for a bit.

You most certainly will not - well, not unless you want to babysit as I haven't got that au pair yet!

C
x

Hahahahahahahaha!

PC Coaty, I nearly choked on my Jaffa Cake! Pure speculation...I don't 'do' coppers.

Yes, thanks Flash. A sterling job you did too! I'm just giving them a good polish (the windows that is). And yes, they're back entrance does need boarding up... but I think Seamermate is more the target for that one.

PC Coatyless. I'm still waiting for you to come and take a statment about my broken windows. Madstock has admitted it was him though... so you'll just have march round with your truncheon and cuffs, and sort the bugger out.

why would you need another pair madam Designated Premises supervisor, those look more than adequate for my inspection... the premises summary licence and your Personal Licence of course. Any way is there bingo on tonight, isee you ave your bingo blouse on

See PC Coaty - we knew you'd fit into this village in no time at all!

Elle, Inspector Olympic Torch ( the one what never goes out,) wants me to set up a home with you? is that ok? oh hang on Homewatch sorry, me torchy torchy the battery boy radio is rubbish.
Anyway i've been looking into your windows, at night mainly to be fair, and i think i know right where i could park me bike, just round the back by the lean to.
MR P.L.Ank (known as thick as two shortens by us regular folks)from the Crown Prosecution Disservice has been looking at the case we built up in relation to your broken windows and that stuff like. He says that the defence could see right through it so i guess what he means is that ok they are busted but the effect is still the same.So thats it in a nuts hell
PS i think i left my handcuffs at your plaice, i seem to have a pair of Pink ones strapped to me loins. Plaice as in fish tank by the way

dont stop me i'm in full throttle hang on footies on ,

Ah yes... my pink ones. I was wondering where they'd got to.

Not much good for holding your arrestees... but they do keep their wrists warm. Watch out for that Seamermate though - he's a real pain in the butt, sotospeak, and has been hankering for those for his drag act at the pub on a Friday Night.

Yes... Neighborhood Watch sounds like a great idea - I propose that everyone piles round to CGs pub right now, where we can discuss such vital matters as the caravan that's just turned up on Angie's field. Blimmin travellers - shoot the lot of them I say. And as for Will & KFL's club... well - the sounds eminating from there last night were horrendous. I could hear them quite clearly once I walked out to the bottom of my garden and had a look too.

I'll bring the muffins and jam!

CG - lovely blouse darling... may I borrow it?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/17/2007 10:04PM by Elle1971.

Elle, seeing as you're so chuffed with the new windows I'll send by bill round. It's as per my fixed price quote.

Plus a ton for tidying up and removal of scrap from site (not included in quote)
Plus 30 quid for removal of unusually sticky putty from originals (extra effort to what we estimated)
Plus a further twenty for filling in the frames where we chipped them (not in original quote)

Assuring you of our friendly service at all times .....etc etc.